Difficulties of expressing feelings or emotions

Last week we talked about unrealistic expectations and this week we talk about difficulties of expressing feelings or emotions.

Feeling like your partner is guarded with their feelings can be really frustrating.

People often worry that when their partner is not showing them emotional expression, it means something bad about them or the relationship itself.

While there are situations where that might be the case, there are also times that your partner may not be demonstrating affection and they have nothing to do with you or the health of your relationship.

Here are some reasons behind your partner’s lack of expressing feelings:

• Old Habit

This can happen for a variety of reasons. Commonly, people who don’t find it easy to access or express themselves have not grown up in an environment where being open with feelings was rewarded or encouraged.

“Your partner may have been shamed when they showed strong feelings, so they learned not to show them and maybe even not to feel them.”

As a child and young adult, your partner might have been taught that being emotionally vulnerable is a terrible idea, and they may have internalized that.

• Experienced Abuse

For many people, showing affection is a very intimate act and when someone is feeling fearful or closed off to intimacy, then they will avoid expressing any kind of affection.

For example, if you or your partner experienced years of abuse, humiliation, judgmental or ridicule, from previous relationship it is hard to die out and open up so easily.

• Fear of being vulnerable

Those who are afraid to be emotionally open have doubts that the person who they are in a relationship with will take care of their heart," he says. You must show your partner that you'll guard their heart fiercely (and gently), and the only way you can really do that is by doing it slowly, over the course of many months.  

• Off-Balance

Sometimes we might get caught up in something else such as study, projects at work, or any other things in life. You might be stressed about how you want to make sure a situation goes in the right direction, so you put 100% attention to that and unintentionally forget to show emotions or express any affection to your partner. 

This may not be due to not desiring our partner or the relationship, but simply because our attention is focused elsewhere. it is common that if one partner has something major happening in their life, that it might be taking their full focus.

• Medicine

Selection serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are a type of antidepressant.

Some people who take this type of drug may experience emotional blunting, or a switched-off emotional centre.

This period of emotional detachment may last if you’re on these drugs.

Doctors can help you find another alternative if the drug affects you in this way.

Being aware of this might be key in recognising what is making showing emotions difficult for yourself or your partner.

Some points to consider

• Be patient and explain what expressing emotion means to you.

• Reassure your partner that you will guard their heart.

• Prioritise the relationship, and quality time to spend with each other.

• Show compassion and understanding of how abuse and trauma impacted on your partner.

• Seek talking therapy to learn ways to communicate and slowly come off the medication if you’re on it.