Thinking about what your partner loves/likes
Last week we talked about score-keeping and this week we talk about thinking about what your partner loves/likes.
When you love someone, it's only natural that you feel an urge to take care of them, comfort them, and protect them – and you want them to do the same for you. You are expressing your love for them by providing them with the types of comfort you know or can reasonably expect that they'll appreciate.
There are five love languages:
Words of Affirmation,
Acts of Service,
Receiving Gifts,
Quality Time,
and Physical Touch.
Each one is important and expresses love in its own way. Learning your partner's and your own primary love language will help create a stronger bond in your relationship. Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and likewise, people have different ways they prefer to receive love. The concept of love languages was developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., in his book www.5lovelanguages.com where he describes these five unique styles of communicating love, how he noticed the similarity of missing these languages in those couples during his counselling practice with them.
You may express affection to your significant other regularly, but do you truly take the time to make sure you're communicating it the way your partner wants to receive it? Even love can sometimes get lost in translation when two partners speak different love languages.
Discovering our own and your partner's primary love language and speaking that language regularly may [create] a better understanding of each other's needs and support each other's growth. We can understand them better when they give us a gift, but we'd rather get a hug, for example. If we know this, we'll be quicker to give a hug (and save on gift money! lol), because our partner might appreciate the hug more than the gift. It's all about understanding one another and knowing what we like/love in our relationship.
How love languages can improve your relationships
Most of us have one or two preferred love languages – often different than our significant other's. If you express your love through your preferred love language, the chances are that it goes unnoticed by your partner.
Say that your love language is gifts, and you often surprise your partner with thoughtful gifts. How does it make you feel when they just have a quick look at your thoughtful present? Meanwhile, your partner hardly values gifts but appreciates acts of service. It would mean the world to them if you did chores around the house instead of buying gifts. Is your partner feeling loved?
Learning to speak your partner’s preferred language can drastically strengthen your relationship. You can do the free love languages test on the 5 love languages website. Love languages apply to non-romantic relationships as well, and the is a website includes tests for children and teens.
If you’d like to explore your love language, do message me to discuss this further. I’m happy to help!