Cheating and different types of cheating in a relationship

Last week we talked about how differences can affect a couple’s relationship and this week we talk about cheating and different types of cheating in a relationship.

When you enter into a committed partnership with someone, the most typical expectation is that they remain loyal to you and your shared commitment. Cheating, then, can be seen as the exact opposite. Cheating is an act of betrayal. Betrayal is a violation of a person’s trust.

Cheating or infidelity is not clearly defined as it can involve several things. It goes beyond being sexually involved with a person that isn’t your partner and can include having a deep connection with another person.

Simply put, cheating is being unfaithful to your partner. 

There are different types of cheating in a relationship, and it doesn’t only involve physical affairs. Instead, cheating seeks sexual intimacy, emotional attachment, or gratification from someone other than your partner.

What is considered cheating and the types of cheating in a relationship?

• Online dating

Keeping your online profile active can imply infidelity even if you haven’t gone on a date yet.

If you are in a committed relationship with another person, this is cheating. Flirting online is the same as kissing or sleeping around with someone other than your significant other. All of these are a breaking of a trust that is needed to have a healthy relationship.

However, an online dating profile means you are keeping your options open.

This disrespects your partner and shows you are not exclusive in the relationship.

• Emotional attachment to another

An emotional attachment is when you give attention emotionally to another person, for example, texting, or sending flirtation messages, or seeking emotional support.

The most troubling aspect of an emotional affair, for the person who is in a committed relationship, is that it drains the primary relationship of time, energy, and focus. You are creating an emotionally intimate relationship with someone outside of your relationship. When you do this, that relationship ALWAYS suffers.

• Cyber infidelity

Social media has made it easier for people to engage in online messages, chats, forums, or groups with sexual content.  An online affair, or cyber affair, is generally considered a form of cheating. Cyber affairs are secret adulterous relationships that include intimate and sexual undertones. They're conducted online through chat, email, or social media, or they can happen via texting.

• Object infidelity

An obsession or interest outside of the relationship can result in what is known as an object affair. This is a situation where one partner is more focused on something such as work or their phone, which causes a distraction from the relationship.

• Physical infidelity

Physical or sexual connection outside of the relationship. There may or may not be an emotional component between partners.

Being sexually intimate with a person, not your partner is the most obvious sign of cheating. In most cases, this leads to a breakup.

• Financial infidelity

Money can become a point of contention for many relationships. If it progresses to the point of financial infidelity, one partner may be deceitful about how much money they earn, how they earn money, how much debt they owe, and how they spend or loan out money. They may even have money hidden away in cash or other bank accounts that their partner doesn’t know about.

• Physical affair without sex

Many people ask, “Is kissing cheating when in a relationship?” Just kissing someone who isn’t your partner can be regarded as cheating. You can’t escape the consequences of your action by saying, “We only kissed; we didn’t have sex.”

Participating in activities like foreplay or kissing someone other than your partner can still be considered cheating. However, the fact that sex wasn’t involved doesn’t make it less hurtful for your partner.

Now that you know the different types of cheating in a relationship, monitoring your actions and avoiding acts that can hurt your partner will become easier.

Learning about what cheating is and the types of cheating will help you avoid ruining your relationship.

Infidelity is physical or emotional unfaithfulness in a partnership, and it often results in profound emotional damage. Healing requires both partners to take an honest look into what led to the infidelity, and deal with the parts of the relationship that were unsatisfying. When both partners are committed to repairing the relationship, trust and intimacy can be rebuilt.

A few important actions to take together that can help repair your relationship.

• Make sure there is remorse.

• Be honest about why it happened.

• Remove temptations to re-engage with the affair.

• Move forward with brutal honesty and care.

• Be selective about who you tell.

• Consider working with a licensed therapist, like myself.

Get in touch if you’d like to work on any of the above, to work on repairing your relationship or deciding what the next steps are.